Submitted by Johnny_Law
The band contemplates their next course of action after winning a Supreme Court lawsuit involving fan fatalities while listening to Dethwater. After purchasing Buddy Hackett’s skull, Nathan and the band agrees to do the “opposite of tragedy”. Dethklok decides to become comedians. The Tribunal fears that group’s move to comedy may threaten the government’s hold over the viewing public through mediocre sit-coms. The band’s first night of stand-up draws disgust from the crowd, but Pickles takes most of the blame. Discussing their next stand-up routine, Nathan, Toki, Skwisgaar, and Murderface decide to try again. However, Pickles decides that he is through with comedy, and walks out on his band mates.
The band receives a visit from Lorkey, a sailor/comedy coach who becomes their mentor. He tells the band that in order to be great at comedy they must hate everything, including themselves. After their teacher’s rousing speech and training, Dethkomedy becomes a sensation without Pickles, who is still too scared to perform. However, before the band’s next big show, Pickles returns, and Lorkey offers his last piece of advice to the reluctant drummer: turn his hate toward the crowd. Venting his hatred to the audience, Pickles successfully performs his brutal stand-up routine.
Murderface: Just guess all you want, it won’t make your weenie any bigger, dildo licker!
Skwisgaar: Yous a danger of putting us to asleep. I would have broughts a sleepings bag if I knew this guys was going to show up.
Nathan: We’ll give you half…of NOTHING!
Skwisgaar: Well maybe we should takes a break you know, being bleak and dark for a living makes you lose your objectivity for you know, being bleak and dark.
Stampingston: It’s true that comedy has been no threat to us over the last 15 years, but with Dethklok in the mix, they threaten to excite a field of entertainment we all know to be dead.
Nathan: Cut Quatto? I’ll cut bodybag before I cut Quatto! Quatto stays! Quatto’s gold!
Pickles: I’m dark and brutal and full of hatred. I ain’t got no sense of humor.
Lorkey: Aye, comedy ain’t never about humor.
Lorkey: Comedy is about expressing your hate. The more hate you have, the funnier those rusty dildos sittin’ at them tables think you are.
Skwisgaar: But I bomb and I hates everything.
Lorkey: Aye, but do ya hate yourself?
Toki: Hate myself?
Lorkey: Ah yes, especially now eh? Bombing on stage and Mr. Tangerine pig tails went running away; it will take some time for him to recover from that horror he went through.
Toki: I hate myself.
Lorkey: Yeah…now you’re gettin’ it. And once you get in touch with your inner hatred, you can unleash it into the world. And once you embrace your hate, you will murder them, and you will kill…you will…KILL!!!