Submitted by Johnny_Law
Dethklok travels to Finland to make an apology for nearly destroying the country the last time they showed up. Apparently, while the band was drunk, they also signed an endorsement deal for Dethphones, a brutal cell phone with an equally brutal service contract. Rather than apologizing to the crowd, Dethklok decides to perform an ancient folk song that revives a giant lake troll. The Tribunal, after much debate over Dethklok’s destructive power, decides to wait and let the band deal with the troll. As the troll rampages through Finland, the band agrees it would have been really cool to have a giant troll as a friend in high school.
The band finds out that the Dethphones are even worse than they thought, but they have a bigger problem: their manager informs the group that the troll attacks are killing their record sales. With the entire country of Finland’s electricity out, Dethklok is left with one option: play acoustic. Despite the fact that Toki and Skwisgaar both reveal that they can’t read music, the band rows out to the lake and attempts to play a lullaby to the troll. At first the troll succumbs to Dethklok’s impromptu song, but Murderface’s ring tone annoys it, and the beast throws band’s rowboat to shore. With the acoustic instruments smashed, Nathan decides the band should use their Dethphones as weapons, but their throwing attempts end up several feet short. However, just when Nathan is about to be eaten by the troll, Murderface is annoyed with his dethphone. In a fit of anger, he tosses his phone right into the throat of the giant troll, causing the troll to choke and eventually explode. The band celebrates the victory by eating the troll’s charred remains.
Nathan: Idea for song: murder. A guy…a guy gets murdered. And eaten. At an all you can eat buffet.
Skwisgaar: Last time I was in Finland, I must have you know whatied about 500 girls.
Toki: Not like that is so hard, you in biggest band in the world. Brags about lollipops…he works in lollipops factory.
Manager: Finland is expecting an apology for almost destroying their nation last tour.
Pickles: Fans we’re not use to the whole apologizing thing. We’re not professional apoligizers…
Senator Stampingston: Dethklok has summoned a troll.
General Kroiser: That’s impossible, there’s no such thing as trolls.
Stampingston: Then how do explain the dead unicorns?
Toki: High school would have been awesome with a big pal like him (the troll). He coulda carried me to school.
Nathan: Crappy troll cut the DSL, now it takes me two minutes to get to tits.
Skwisgaar: Hey douchebag, how are we going to play with no electricals?
Toki: Acoustic? What do you mean, grandpas guitars?
Skwisgaar: Grandpas guitars…that’s for pussies and grandpas, I think you know it.
Nathan: Pickles is right, we have a tough choice. Playing acoustic is totally lame and not metal, but then again if we don’t put that troll back to sleep, we may never be able to check our mail with high-speed DSL again!
Toki: I…have a confessions to makes: I can’ts reads musics.
Skwisgaar: Dude, Toki can’t read music, ha, little laugh!
Toki: Can you?
Skwisgaar: No. I haves music dyskleskia, you know that.