Submitted by drrockso


As Charles Ofdensen informs the band of death threats from fans, the band presents Ofdensen with a new idea for "death merch": Time travel face bags. The band's album, Dethwater, makes news again, as Dethklok fans have banded together to create a suicide petition and a terrorist petition, forcing Dethklok to perform the album live for the first time ever. After the Tribunal meets, General Crozier & Cardinal Ravenwood conspire to take out the band without the permission of the rest of the Tribunal. General Crozier goes on to meet a metal-masked assassin who also happens to be the brother of one of General Crozier's agents, 216, who died while trying to kill the band in an earlier episode (Murdering Outside the Box). Crozier convinces the brother to avenge 216's death and hires the assassin to kill Dethklok at their next performance.

In the Gulf of Danzig, Poland, fans & enemies alike anticipate Dethklok's performance of the Dethwater album. As the band performs, the Assassin makes his way through the crowd as General Crozier has missiles fired from fighter jets. Ofdensen engages defense mechanisms to protect the band and has the band members flown off to safety via Penta Pods. However, the assassin manages to throw off the trajectory of two Penta Pods carrying Toki & Skwisgaar, resulting in the separation of the band. After landing, Pickles, Nathan, and Murderface discuss the attack until Crozier's men knock out the trio with sleeping gas genades. Meanwhile, Skwisgaar & Toki criticize each other's on-stage performances until the Assassin comes for them. Before Crozier's men can reach Pickles, Nathan, and Murderface, Dethklok's masked employees arrive on the scene to counter attack against Crozier's soldiers. Before the Assassin can kill Toki & Skwisgaar, Ofdensen shows up and faces off in hand-to-hand combat with the Assassin, ultimately using the Assassin's own blades against him to win the bout. As Ravenwood & Crozier stand among many dead soldiers, Ravenwood starts chanting a Latin prayer until Mr. Selatcia unsuspectingly appears, noting the betrayal of General Crozier & Cardinal Ravenwood, beheading the remainder of Crozier's soldiers, blinding and disemboweling Ravenwood, and lastly putting General Crozier to sleep. With his dying breath, Ravenwood announces the beginning of the Metalocalypse.








Skwisgaar: This is times travels face bag.
Ofdensen: Time travel face bag? Am I saying that right? Looks like you have some plastic bags. What are you doing?
Nathan: We're traveling through time.
Toki: Yeah, you put the face bag on and you travel through time.
Murderface: Dear God, you, boy in the street. What day is it?
Pickles: It's Wednes-- it's Friday. It's Friday.
Murderface: I must have traveled through time itself.
Nathan: We've, uh, figured out how to travel through time at the speed of regular time with plastic bags.

Nathan: Though I do not believe this is the right thing to do artistically, I do, however, believe this is the right thing to do financially.

Skwisgaar: What in the f---ing names of Odin!

Skwisgaar: Dude, wheres ares wes? What the f--- we just flies in? What the hell was wrong with your guitar sounds tonight?
Toki: What the hell is that supposed to mean? It sounded great.
Skwisgaar: Nope, it sounds dildos again.

Pickles: It's us, Dethklok, stranded in the middle of nowhere!
Murderface: I hope they brought some f---ing food!
Nathan: I feel like eating cheese. Like really fancy cheese. Like what's the name of that cheese? Renoir.
Pickles: I could do that, maybe with a little Kool-Aid of, you know, grape persuasion.
Nathan: That's what I'm talking about.

Murderface: Oh, look! Firecrackers.
Nathan: Oh, let's steal them.

Skwisgaar: I'm just sayings I can hear your guitar ringing out ringing out in my monitor mix and yous are half assing it.
Toki: How dare you! I'm selling it. You- I'm kicking ass. You just stand there, (mumbles). Just boring! I'm rocking it every...
Skwisgaar: Yeah, that's the expense of sloppys playing. You see, Toki
(tree explodes)
Toki: That's weird.

Ofdensen: That's my bread and butter you're f---ing with.

Cardinal Ravenwood: The Metalocalypse has begun.