Submitted by kloud13
After Skwisgaar shoots a segment for a music video (during which most of the production crew was killed in a brutal freak-accident), Dethklok watches an infomercial selling guitars. Toki suggests that Skwisgaar should do a pay-per-view special to teach guitar and Skwisgaar agrees. Later when he shows off the new line of guitars he will be selling on his pay-per-view special – including the Swiss Armitar, Antfarmitar, Excalibitar and more - the rest of the band members decide that they want more endorsement deals; Toki gets a candy endorsement, Nathan gets a BBQ sauce deal, Murderface gets a doorknob endorsement, and Pickles endorses Pickles Nickels – the first ever money endorsement in history.
On the day of the pay-per-view event (which even members of The Tribunal are excited to see), Skwisgaar has a nervous breakdown and Ofdensen catches him crying in his dressing room. He has him sign a ten billion dollar insurance policy on his hands and gives him solid crystal oxygenating hand-aquariums that must be worn when he’s not playing or the policy is void. Later, Swisgaar’s band-mates tell him they’d like to help out with the special, which they feel lacks “zazz.” As they wait for Skwisgaar to get ready, Toki, in a sugar-induced rage, gets into an argument with Nathan and one of his teeth falls out. Then a crash is heard from Skwisgaar’s dressing room and the band rushes in to find that his hands are stuck in the hand aquariums. They use Nathan’s BBQ sauce to get them off, but Skwisgaar has an allergic reaction to the cilantro in it and his face and hands swell up. He still does the show, but because of the swelling his speech is unintelligible and his guitar playing sounds terrible. Later - as people everywhere are shown trying to reproduce Skwisgaar’s swollen playing - it is said that “the master of the guitar literally reinvented the instrument.”
Skwisgaar: Ooh, this thing squished my ball. Eee… I might throw up.
Toki: Oh, Skwisgaar, that’s what you should be doin’! Makes a billion dollars on TV teaching guitar!
Skwisgaar: Ifs I did, it will have to be the most brutals guitar things on TV special pay-per-view ever.
Skwisgaar: Uh, it’s just an antsfarmitar… I’m still workings on it.
Murderface: Nice! I’d like to stand on that thing!
Pickles: Yea, I’d stand on that.
Skwisgaar: Ok, let me explains again, in prafectly clear English: I wants flies in on a dragons, okay? How many times I got to tell these peoples?!?
Film Crewman: I know, there isn’t a dragon!
Skwisgaar: I know, that’s what I’m telling you!
Film Crewman: But that’s what I’m telling you!
Skwisgaar: So go get one! What are you doing here? Go, go get one, now! Go, go!
Film Crewman: They don’t have them.
Skwisgaar: Are you telling me they’re out of dragons?
Film Crewman: They never had dragons.
Skwisgaar: Who didn’t?
Film Crewman: The world!
Skwisgaar: Get this guy out of here! Find me a dragon!
Skwisgaar: It looks like it won’t stop… how many copy I gots to sign?
Ofdensen: Ten. One policy for each finger.
Skwisgaar: Oh yea, that makes sense.
Ofdensen: You uh, been crying, have you?
Skwisgaar: No way. Like I said, I’m totally high.
Ofdensen: Okay, see ya!
Nathan: What we’re trying to say is that there are two kinds of shows out there: those with, and those without…
Skwisgaar: Will you please stop saying zazz?
Toki: Uh, Nathan, is this all we gots for costumes?
Toki: THIS ISN’T GOOD! HE CAN’T WEAR NONE OF THIS!
Nathan: Is that a tooth?
Toki: Yea. Got any other questions, I’ll be right here!
Nathan: Your teeth are falling out because of your free candy from your free endorsement deal.
Toki: Are you a dentist?
Toki: Well then SHUT UP!
Toki: YOU’RE FREE! RUN AWAY SKWISGAAR!
Pickles: Why should he run away?
Toki: What the f*ck are we gonna do now?! F*CK!
Nathan: Hello! Isn’t this a nice surprise? Me, being here at this incredibly zazzy event.
Murderface: A fantastic star-studded evening, of zazz!
Pickles: Got any room for anymore zaaazz up here?
Toki: I think I have diabetes. I gotta take a f***in’ nap.
Murderface: Over a million babies – and ladies – die every hemi second. That’s why I use Murderknobs. Doorknobs for a new world.
Pickles: I’m Pickles the drummer, and our country is experiencing a horrible problem. Nobody is using Nickels. Use Nickels. Nickels is money too guys.
Nathan: I guess I always hated my father. Explosion sauce changed that. (Pours sauce on his head.) Explosion Sauce: it’s good on it’s own.
Toki: I’m Toki. I slips in and out of diabetic coma. They should makes insulin-flavored candy. Whateva. Candy: tastes like chicken, if chicken was a candy.